Nonsense: I TRI

Chuck Bolte TRIs.
Photograph by Bird's Eye View.

On Sunday, June 10th I joined my friend, Paul Kannady, and 300 other triathletes at Greenwood Lake State Park, SC to participate in the Wachovia Festival of Flowers Triathlon.

The event began with a swim. Hundreds of heads capped in white bobbed vigorously around a 1500 meter course marked by orange and yellow buoys. I was intent on swimming slowly and steadily and, consequently, was punched in the face by a swimmer who started in the wave behind me. It was an accident. Upon the realization that I had to urinate with an intense urgency near the end of the swim, I attempted to force my body to release a significant amount of yellow liquid mid-stroke. My plan was unsuccessful.

I climbed out of the lake feeling energetic and sprinted to my Orbea, who was waiting for me in the transition area. I ate a Hammer Gel, urinated, and sped off on my bike after a three minute transition.

I rode the blaze orange beast as hard as possible. Riding with Nate at the Warehouse this Spring has greatly enhanced my cycling strength. My strength showed on the pavement as I hammered out a consistent and strong average of 22.3 miles per hour over the 24 mile course. Thank you Nate.

I came off of the Orbea with a quickness and slipped into my running shoes. Immediately, my right calf muscle began to cramp, but I continued to run and shook the cramp off. At mile marker one, I realized how badly I needed to shit. Unfortunately, I realized that if I wanted to turn in a decent run time I would have to hold the shit for five more miles. An annoyingly uncomfortable five miles later, I sprinted uphill to the finish line with tightly pinched ass cheeks.

Other than bowel discomfort, the triathlon was an awesome experience.

Thank you Paul.

For results, go here.

The series, "A Copper State of Mind", kicks off this weekend, right here.

Look out!